ʏᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ ᴀʟʟ ᴘʀᴏʟᴇs


Okay so I don't really have anything to write about today but I'm lazy and can't bring myself to start properly writing my shorts so will proceed to post something pointless so I don't have to.
I had my first actual driving lesson recently (was too poor and Scrooge-y to pay for them up until now, so up until now my driving experience has consisted of being shouted at by my dad for nearly crashing the car into a bin, a lamp post and an old lady) and, to my surprise, it went extremely well. I managed to blag a practice theory test and get 90% using common sense, didn't stall at all and got into fifth gear on the road with other cars!
I also experienced my first bout of real road rage. I've had it before, of course, but you can't really shout obscenities while you're cycling because passers-by can hear you and you feel self-conscious and then it's no fun any more. Prior to my lesson my dad would not allow me onto the road with other cars and made me stay in a carpark, mostly because I wasn't very good at steering. Turns out it was just poor instruction ;> I'm not that lame a driver! But I think I gave my driving instructor a bit of a shock when I started shouting that the car driving very closely behind me was a peasant. I was clearly a learner (if they couldn't see the massive bloody 'L' plates on the back of the 'RED driving school' car they probably shouldn't have been driving in the first place) so they should have been more thoughtful and not bothered me. I'd have been thoughtful and not bothered me if I were them. Peasants.

Isn't 'peasant' a wonderful insult?
I use it for everything. People starting to bid heavily on an eBay item I've stalked and coveted and longed for for days? Get off my lawn, you peasants. A BMW driver cutting me up without indicating when I'm on my bike? Peasant! Most of my family? Peasants!
It lets out so much pent-up frustration without actually being offensive. It's cathartic, it's wonderful. I'm sure it's beneficial to my health. It's one of my favourite words, beaten out only by shenanigans, bumbershoot, abyssopelagic, flummery and tatterdemalion. If you want to get fancy a variation of peasant is, of course, pleb. Everyone can use this word except Tory ministers, apparently.

But by far my favourite of the class-related insults is the word prole. It's wonderful because most of the time people won't realise you've been being obnoxious and will let it slide, but occasionally you'll get someone who understands. Then you both can have a doubleplusgood nerd moment where you squeal over the ins and outs of Newspeak, thought crime and George Orwell. You are both lords and everyone else is a prole and this is just how life the universe and everything should be.
It's a damn good litmus test when meeting new people.

Yes, I have writer's block today. When I have writer's block I get bored. When I get bored I get facetious.